*while I'm out of town the kiddo runs to the phone to talk to me*
Kiddo: Helloooo. Zees ees Peggy.
*runs away giggling*

(hint: that Capital One commercial)

*The Mom is out of town, talking to Kiddo on the phone*

The Mom: I love you, Honey. I can't wait to see you.
Kiddo: I love you, Mommy. I can't wait to see my present.

*Playing Little House on the Prairie*
Kiddo: We need to feed the chickens and slap the hogs.

*phone rings*
The Mom: It's just somebody selling something.
the Kiddo: We don't want any!!

Oldies, from when she was a wee three-year-old.

*Kiddo climbs to the top of the slide*
Kiddo: How do I get off this thing?!


Kiddo is playing in the bathroom while I take a shower. Suddenly she starts banging on the doors.
Kiddo: Stella!!

(No, I did not let my three-year-old watch A Streetcar Named Desire. Grover did a parody on Sesame Street.)

Kiddo is playing with a toy horse and making it stamp its front hoof. Then she says in a horse voice: Bring it on! Bring it on!

Kiddo saw a portrait of George Washington at a museum. She starts to walk away, stops, and looks suspiciously back at him.

Kiddo: Don't even think about it George Washington.

Kiddo: If you want to tell if someone is a kitty or a witch you squirt them with water.
The Mom: What does the kitty do then?
Kiddo: It says, "reeer!"
The Mom: What does the witch do?
Kiddo: She says, "I'm melting!"

A few oldies but goodies, so I don't forget them when I get old timer's.

The Mom: What do you want to do when you grow up?
The Kiddo: Irritate boys.


The Mom: You have pop tart on your face, go wash it off.
The Kiddo: You got pop tart on your face, you're a big disgrace.

The kiddo: Here's the lion, and the monkey, and the hippo.
The mom: Where's the zebra?
The kiddo: Las Vegas.

The Mom: You're having a playdate with the neighbor boy on Sunday, so we need to pull out some toys he would like.
Kiddo: We can wax my Barbie jeep!

Kiddo: I'm trying to get this gross thought out of my head!
The Mom: What is it?
Kiddo: No, it's too gross.
The Mom: You can tell me.
Kiddo: Raccoon guano.

*Kiddo is pretending to be Lava Girl in the pool, spraying The Mom with "lava" water. She says in a newscaster voice:*

Kiddo: On the news, the mom gets sprayed by Lava Girl.

Kiddo: Blossoms extravaganza!

Don't ask. I have no idea.

*Kiddo points her butt at The Mom*
Kiddo: The silent whiff of doom!
*Kiddo runs away*

*Kiddo runs into door*
Kiddo: ooph! That should be on America's Funniest Videos. That would be a good clip.